July Mailbag: Sports, Dating, TV Shows, etc…

Well this website isn’t big enough to actually get fan mail but here are answers to a few comments / questions I’ve gotten in the last few months…

Do me a favor and say something nice about the Cubs. Is it possible?
Right now, the ivy on the outfield walls at Wrigley looks good. The team playing on the field in front of it…not so much. Also, doesn’t it figure that the losing pitcher and manager of last night’s All-Star game were Cubs? Dare I say “Wait ’till next year!”

Fine…give me some positive news for any Chicago sports team. It’s just so damn frustrating to be a sports fan of any team in that city lately!
Wait – the Blackhawks won 3 Stanley Cups in 6 years. The Cubs, who hadn’t done anything since basically 1908 won the World Series last year. Yeah the Bears and White Sox stink as do the Bulls…but don’t complain. I’ve always said that one championship is worth at least five awful seasons. Honestly there’s not much hope for the Bears and Bulls in the next few years though.

The Cardinals are going all the way this year…mark it down!
Well St. Louis is in the fairly easy NL Central and if they get pitching, you never know with the October luck. Oh wait…you mean Arizona? Yeah…no chance with your QBs. I might have a better chance of getting a Super Bowl ring in my lifetime than Carson Palmer.

College football is the worst. Stop writing about it. You want to talk parity…then why is Alabama in the championship every year?
Number one: You’re wrong. Way wrong. Number two: Read a different blog in that case. College football is the most fun sport on the planet. Rivalries are traditions. The sport is a harbinger of Americana. And as for Alabama, they’re really good under Nick Saban. Still they’ve only won 1 of the last four National Championships. #parity

If you could have one job in sports…aka your dream job, what would it be?
Lead college football play-by-play announcer for ABC/ESPN. I don’t even have to think twice about that one.

What’s the best athletic talent that you have?
Um…none of them? I’m a terrible softball player who can barely hit the ball out of the infield, a lousy golfer, and a worse basketball player. There’s a reason I wanted to be an announcer growing up. Generally I’d say that my ability to putt would be my best sports talent but that’s because everything else I play stinks.

What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
Honestly there are too many to count. But here’s a good one from a few years ago. I took a girl to The Cheesecake Factory for appetizers and drinks. The conversation was fairly terrible…and mind you I’m the type of guy who can’t handle awkward silence on a date. As bad as this date was going I decided to torment myself more by ordering a slice of strawberry cheesecake. Another 15 minutes of hell continues. She clearly didn’t want to be there either. Finally the check comes and as God is my witness, the second it hits the table, she bolts to the bathroom. It was straight out of a movie. I paid the bill…we left…and I never received an in-person thank you from her. Needless to say we’ve never talked again. But I did go on three dates with one of her friends a year later!

How ’bout the best first date?
If I had a best, I wouldn’t be 34 and single, right?

How do you feel about a sporting event date?
One of my friends in high school said something that has stuck with me since…”EC, you can’t take pu**y to a ball game.” No truer words have ever been spoken. Yet I’ve tried to defy this often over the years. The most famous case was at the 2015 Cactus Bowl when the temperature in Tempe for the Oklahoma State-Washington game was literally 30 degrees. No doubt one of the coldest I’ve ever been for hours at a time. I take this girl (who will remain nameless) and we miss the start of the game to instead have a few drinks at a local sports bar. We walk into the game late in the first quarter, freeze our asses off, and despite her pleas to leave in the 4th quarter, I HAD to stay as I had money riding on Washington and the points. Didn’t work out for me x2 that night.

Last dating question: make out on the first date or no?
One of life’s burning questions. Some say yes and some say no. I usually won’t go for it so I tend to say no. To those guys who can successfully achieve this consistently (or more), well done!

Wait – a bonus one. What are the odds of meeting the “right one” on one of the apps (i.e. Bumble, Tinder, etc…)?
About as great as Carson Palmer ever getting a Super Bowl ring.

Which TV shows are you watching this Summer? Anything other than sports?
To surprise a chunk of you, yes. I watch The Night Shift (NBC), Below Deck: Mediterranean (Bravo), and The Challenge (MTV) regularly. I can’t wait for a new season of The Challenge to start next week…the last mini series, Champs vs. Pros was freaking fantastic!

Wait, you actually watch a show on Bravo?
First of all, I NEVER thought I would watch a show on that channel…EVER! But Below Deck is MTV’s Real World on a boat. I’ve loved that show since college and I’ve gotten into this one. Thank you to several people who suggested I start watching…I’m hooked.

Don’t you ever wish you could compete on The Challenge?
The mental part of the game and house shenanigans would be entertaining I feel like. But I’d get consistently embarrassed on the challenges themselves and literally I would die before I could finish the final challenge. It’s more fun watching on TV.

Someone asked me on a job interview what my spirit animal was…any suggestions?
Don’t feel badly, I had to look this one up as well. Take the test here. Apparently I’m a turtle…yikes.

If you got one mulligan in life, what would it be?
This interview. It was a good lesson…do your homework (in life).